Ukuqonda Kwemizwa Yabantu Abatsha
Isiqalo sokwazi nokubona izinto ngezindlela ezahlukene
Iphrofayili yakho yokwazi kwemizwa ikhombisa ukuthuthuka kwesigaba sabantu abatsha, noma ubani ubudala bakho.
Lokhu kusho ukuthi izimpendulo zakho zemizwa zisazakha, ungase uzwe izinto ngokunzima, unzima ukubona indlela abanye abantu abayibona, unzima okukhona okumele kulinde, futhi ukucabanga okukhona isikhathi eside kunzima. Ukwazi kwemizwa akuwona ukwazi; kunalokho, kuyinto yokukwazi ukubamba izinto eziyinkimbinkimbi, ukubona indlela abanye abantu abayibona, ukulawula imizwa enokunzima, nokwenza izinqumo ezihambisana namagugu akho esikhathini eside kunalokho okufunwa ngalomzuzu. Ukwazi kwemizwa kwesigaba sabantu abatsha kunoma iyiphi imikhulu ikhombisa: ukuzwa kakhulu, izimpendulo zemizwa ezisheshayo, unzima ukwamukela izincomo, nokuzama nokuqonda okungaqinisekile. Lokhu kuyinto evamile ekuthuthukeni kwabatsha. Kubantu abadala, ngokuvamile kukhombisa ukuthuthuka okusheshile ngenxa yokuhlupeka, izindlela zokuzivikela, noma karansi kokusebenzisa umqondo. Ukuthuthuka kwenzeka ngezinhlangano eziphakeme, ukwelashwa, nokucabanga okuzenzakalelayo.
Amandla
- Indlela entsha yokubona izinto ngaphandle kokukhala
- Ukuzwa kakhulu kwemizwa nokuthi yona iyasebenza
- Uthando nokusebenza ngamandla ezinto ezintsha
- Ithemba eliyinzalo namagugu anamandla
- Amandla okubuyela emzimbeni emva kokuhlupeka
Izindawo zokukhula
- Unzima ukubona indlela abanye abantu abayibona
- Izimpendulo zemizwa ezinokunzima lapho kukhona ukuhlupeka noma izincomo
- Ukucabanga okumabili kuphela (okuhle/okubi, okulungile/okungelungile)
- Unzima okukhona okumele kulinde
- Ingozi yokwenza izinqumo ngaphandle kocwaningo ngenxa yemizwa yamanje
Ukufaniswa kwemisebenzi
Imibuzo evame ukubuzwa
Yini ekhombiswa ngu-"ukwazi kwemizwa yabantu abatsha" uma mina angiyintombazane noma ingane?
Ukwazi kwemizwa kumayelana nokukwazi ukubamba izinto eziyinkimbinkimbi, hhayi imikhulu. Kubantu abadala, ukwazi kwemizwa kwesigaba sabantu abatsha ngokuvamile kukhombisa: karansi kokusebenzisa umqondo ekuhlupekeni, izindlela zokuzivikela ngenxa yokuhlupeka okwedlule, noma ukuthuthuka okusheshile. Akuwona into engeke ishintshwe; iyatshintsha ngokwelashwa, izinhlangano eziphakeme, nokuthuthuka okuzenzakalelayo. Abantu abaningi bathuthuka ngemizwa ngesikhathi sabo sokuba neminyaka engamashumi amathathu, amane, nangaphezu kwalokho.
Ngoba kutheni izimpendulo zami zemizwa ziyanokunzima kakhulu?
Ukwazi kwemizwa kwesigaba sabantu abatsha kuthanda ukwenza izinto ngokumabili kuphela. Izincomo ezinye zikubonakala sengathi akukho okuhle; umcimbi owodwa omuhle ubonakala sengathi konke kuzoba kuhle. Umzimba wakho ungase ungenayo izindlela zokulaula imizwa ezakha ngesikhathi eside nokucabanga. Lokhu kungatshintshwa ngokwelashwa, ikakhulukazi umsebenzi omayelana nomzimba (ukulawula umzimba), DBT, noma ACT.
Ingabe ukwazi kwemizwa kufana nokwazi?
Cha. Ungase ube nokunzima kakhulu nokuthuthuka ngemizwa. Abantu abaningi abakwazi kakhulu bahlupeka nokuqonda izinto eziyinkimbinkimbi ngemizwa ngoba basebenzisile umqondo ukuzikhusela. Ukwazi kwemizwa kuyahlukana: kumayelana nokukwazi ukubamba izinto eziyinkimbinkimbi, ukulawula imizwa enokunzima, nokwenza izinqumo ezihambisana namagugu akho okuqala, hhayi umqondo kuphela.
Ingabe ngingakwazi ukuthuthuka ngemizwa ngokushesha?
Hhayi ngokushesha, kodwa yebo, ngokushesha kunokuthuthuka kwabatsha. Ukwelashwa okusheshile, ikakhulukazi nomuntu owelasha onokunzima, kungatshisa ukuthuthuka. Okusizayo: umuntu okunike amaholo owazi kwemizwa, izinhlangano eziphakeme lapho ungakwazi ukuveza izinto zakho, izingxoxo eziyinkimbinkimbi ozingayikubali, nokucabanga okuzenzakalelayo (ukubhala, ukuhlonoloza). Abantu abaningi babona izinguquko ngesikhathi sezinyanga eziyisithupha kuya kweziyishumi nambili uma basebenza ngamandla.
Ngingayini ngezinhlangano nabantu abakwazi kwemizwa ngezindlela ezahlukene?
Izinhlangano nabantu abakwazi kwemizwa kakhulu kungangaziwa noma kungathobekela ekuqaleni. Cabanga ngezindlela ezahlukene: babonakale njengabantu ongazifunda kubo, hhayi abantu abakuhlola. Buza imibuzo: "Ubona kanjani isitumelele siyahlukana?" Ukufunda indlela abanye abantu abayibona izinto kuyindlela eyesigamu yokuthuthuka ngemizwa. Futhi zibeke umngcele: akudingi ukuthi umuntu onakho akuthuthuke, kodwa ukuzibuza ngezindlela ezahlukene kusiza.
Yini okumele ngiyenze kuqala uma ngifuna ukuthuthuka ngemizwa?
Qala nomuntu owelasha omuhle, ikakhulukazi owelashwe ngezindlela zokuqonda okuhlupeka, umsebenzi omayelana nomzimba, noma DBT. Ngesikhathi esifanayo: akhe izinhlangano eziphakeme lapho ungakwazi ukuveza izinto zakho. Funda ngokuthuthuka kwemizwa (izincwadi ezifana ne-"The Courage to Be Disliked" noma "Non-Violent Communication"). Zibophe ekusebenzeni okukodwa, ukubhala, ukuhlonoloza, noma ukwelashwa, futhi qhubeka nalo okwezinyanga ezintathu ngaphambi kokubona ukuthi kusiza.
Phequlula yonke imiphumela
Funda umhlahlandlela onemininingwane nganoma yimuphi umphumela: amandla, izinselelo, ukufaniswa kwemisebenzi nemibuzo evame ukubuzwa.
Okuqukethwe kwomtapo wemiphumela kwenzelwe ukufundisa, akuyona ukuhlolwa kwasemtholampilo.